What is a munch?
A munch is a social gathering of people in a vanilla setting. Munches are a key part of the Lifestyle community. Meeting new people can sometimes be awkward, but don't worry, we've all been there and we try to make it as easy as we can. We chat about anything and everything: it's an ideal first step to join open-minded kinksters of all kinds. Newbies are very warmly welcomed. It is a nice and safe way to join the community. Meet up with new and old friends. Join us for a night of food, fun, and conversations in a vanilla setting. There is no option for play at the events and with that eleminates any pressure for play or scene.
Who attend munches?
EVERYONE
If you are a Kinkster, a swinger, in a poly relationship or even a new single. Munches are for almost everyone. It is where people go to meet other kinksters, see old friends and to establish themselves in the community. This is also a chance for you to get to know people in your community. You can talk to people and find out who you would like to get to know better, for friendship, play or romantic encounters.
You can figure out if this part of the community is right for you.
Keep in mind that different munches draw different people – if you aren’t crazy about the first one you attend, try another until you find the right fit. Remembering to take only what works for you and to leave what does not
There are no toys, nudity, fetish wear, or play
Munches are just an opportunity to meet like-minded people in a no-pressure setting.
Why is it called a Munch?
The name comes from a group of Californian kinky folk, who started organizing regular hangouts in burger joints (where they would “munch” on burgers and fries) back in the early 1990s. They proved popular, and the idea spread. Now pretty much any lifestyle gathering that isn’t directly geared towards play is called a munch. Here ends the history lesson.
Other terms for a munch
Meet and Greet this is a munch normally for but not limited to Swingers
Mix and Mingle This is a munch that is normally but not limited to Singles
Slosh/Wet/Liquid munches where only liquid refreshment is available
"Dry" Munch it is normally without alcohol or they do not want you to drink.
TNG The New Generation ages 18-35
TOG The Old Guard 30+
Crunches this is a munch where after the munch everyone goes to a club afterwards
What ever munch you choose there is a lot of socializing, friendly conversation, and eating (munches are almost always held where there is tasty food!).
How do I find a munch to attend?
Things are organized in different ways in different parts of the world, but for the most part FetLife is the place to be. Join, fill out your profile to whatever degree you’re comfortable with, set your location and hit “Events”. You’ll find a list of everything that’s going on in your area.
What should I wear?
Dress the way you would normally dress on a Tuesday evening (or whatever day its held on). The general rule is NO fetish wear. Discrete collars are fine, but obvious kink gear is discouraged (or outright banned).
Wear Normal clothes. Try and look vaguely smart if you want to create a good impression. Because munches usually take place in public places fetishwear is rarely mandatory. Indeed it’s quite often frowned upon.
Why is this?
Believe it or not, kinky stuff still freaks out some ordinary people. And since most munches take place in venues that are shared with ordinary people, strutting around in a full latex catsuit might raise a few eyebrows. Raise too many eyebrows amongst the bar’s vanilla patrons, and you may find that the group isn’t welcome back there next month.
Who will I talk to?
Munches are pretty friendly places, and generally speaking it’s okay to talk to anyone present. You’re all there because of a common interest, after all. Observe the normal rules of politeness (don’t butt into conversations, no violent screaming, try not to spit when you talk), and you’ll find that it’s pretty easy to join any conversation that’s happening nearby.
Bad at joining conversations? No problem. I’ve got you.
Here are some simple magic words that should work 99% of the time when introducing yourself to a new little cluster of humans at a munch. Memorize and use as you will:
“Hello. I’m new here.”
If the conversation doesn’t take flight from there, other safe opening topics include:
Well, yes and no. Most people you meet at a munch will be pretty open and willing to chat about kink stuff… but won’t want to start the conversation there. Talk about normal stuff, like you would with any random person in a pub or bar, then strike out into the territory of fetish and filth when you naturally arrive at its border.
I’m still kinda nervous
If you’re at all worried about not having anyone to speak to (or if you’re just generally nervous about attending a munch) get in touch with the organizer via FetLife beforehand (I am "MyOwnDuality" on Fetlife). Quite often they’ll be happy to meet you at the start of the event and set you up with some friendly conversation buddies. Isn’t that lovely?
How do I behave at a munch?
Like a normal human being, mostly.
The specific rules of the munch should be made clear on the event listing. So start there if you want to know how to behave. If there are any special rules, the event description will tell you about them, but most of the time you should conduct yourself as though you’re hanging out with some people you don’t know that well in a pub. Because that’s what you are actually doing.
NO PHOTOS
A few general exceptions to live by are that you shouldn’t take photos, and should try to avoid looking like you’re taking pictures on your phone. It gets everyone’s back up. People in the kink scene are (reasonably) sensitive about privacy, see?
What do I wear?
Unless the description says otherwise, don’t be too overt. Most of the time you can get away with a casual-looking collar or a vaguely kinky accessory… but most munches are organized in public places, and the venue might not necessarily know that it’s a lifestyle event. If you dress inappropriately, or loudly discuss kink stuff in earshot of vanilla patrons, the venue (and thus the organisers) will both have something to say about it.
Ask Before Touching
Also at a munch: be careful about touch. This is something which people in the kink scene expect an unusual degree of sensitivity about. Ask before touching anything that belongs to someone else. Only touch other people if invited to do so. Handshakes are usually fine, but you may want to ask before hugging someone you don’t know.
Even if I know them?
I still ask "May I give you a hug" Bit excessive? Yes – but it’s a sound policy to definitely avoid causing offence down the line.
Common issues with munching
I’m worried about fitting in
Munches are, overall, way more friendly and accepting that most people expect. You don’t need to dress a certain way, look a certain way, speak a certain way, or know a certain amount about kink in order to be there.
If someone at a munch implies that you don’t belong, or makes you feel bad about the way you look or dress, ditch that conversation and find some better humans to talk to. Most people you meet on the scene will be friendly and lovely, but there are always exceptions to this rule.
I had a bad time, Why?
If you can work out what it was about the munch (not enough seating, too many people, too loud, too quiet, too many perverts, too many vanillas, etc) that didn’t float your boat, then you are in a great position to start your own munch that dodges those shortcomings.
If you’ve been turned off by a particular issue, you can bet other people have been too – so why not start something for them, and enrich your local kink scene in the process? Get in touch with me if you want some specific advice about starting a munch or other event.
I don’t like munches
It’s fine to be anti-social. Seriously. I enjoy connecting with people one-on-one way more than I do in group settings. Sometimes I can’t stand the thought of going to a crowded pub and spending a lot of energy talking to people. If you’re in the same boat, you don’t have to go to munches.
Munches are just one small part of the kink scene. Don’t listen to people who tell you munches are the only way to make friends or vet potential play partners. They are 100% not. Meeting people one-on-one, going to parties, exploring with close friends, or dating online are all just as legitimate ways of engaging with the scene.
I had an awkward encounter
You can expect to meet a few eccentric characters at your local munch, but if someone does something really weird or makes you feel very uncomfortable, it’s vital that you tell someone. Speak to one of the organizers. Tell one of the cool people you met earlier in the night. Tell a stranger.
By speaking up if someone makes you uncomfortable, you can help make the munch a better place to be in the future, for you and for everyone involved. After all, it’s a community that you’re a part of now. It is, in a sense, yours.
Vetting
If you want to go to some of the private parties that are held in your city, you will want to start out at a munch where people can get to know you. This process is often referred to as ‘vetting’. The people who host parties want to see that you can behave appropriately in a social setting, and get to know you a bit before inviting you to their private homes or dungeons.
But you can also use Munches as your vetting tool.
Finding and vetting a potential play partner (PPP) can be a daunting task. If you are new to the world of alternative lifestyle, you might be eager to experience new things, meet new people, and explore all that the community has to offer. While this can be an exciting time, it can also leave you vulnerable to real predators and/or bad experiences, particularly when the expectations, goals and limits of everyone involved are not clearly communicated.
It’s important to remember that a munch is a public gathering in a vanilla setting.
Many people don’t have the luxury to be out about their sexuality. Many people just don’t see the need to advertise this side of them. Everyone has to respect everyone else, so discretion is encouraged.
What do I do there?
A munch is a great place to meet people in the community. You quickly get a sense of who’s who. Many munches have ambassadors, people to greet new folk and introduce them around a bit. Talk to people, listen a lot. If you approach the munch in an open and friendly manner, you will walk away with at least a few new friends.
Chances are you will learn about some of the play parties around your city. Often you can’t get an invite to those parties unless you go to a munch and meet people first (they want to make sure you can act like an adult, have reasonable social skills, etc before inviting you into their home or private play space).
A munch is also a common place to meet people you’ve chatted with online. It’s an easy first meet spot. If the person you’ve been talking to doesn’t show up, you’re out with friends, so you’re not stuck sitting at a coffee shop all alone. If they do show up, you can see who they know in the community, and how they interact in a social setting. Since there isn’t any play allowed at a munch, you can focus on getting to know each other without the pressure.
A munch is a great opportunity for people of all economic backgrounds to get out and socialise. If you can afford it, you can buy meals, drinks, etc. If money is a little tight, you can stick to a cup of coffee or a soda as an inexpensive alternative.
A munch is a social gathering of people in a vanilla setting. Munches are a key part of the Lifestyle community. Meeting new people can sometimes be awkward, but don't worry, we've all been there and we try to make it as easy as we can. We chat about anything and everything: it's an ideal first step to join open-minded kinksters of all kinds. Newbies are very warmly welcomed. It is a nice and safe way to join the community. Meet up with new and old friends. Join us for a night of food, fun, and conversations in a vanilla setting. There is no option for play at the events and with that eleminates any pressure for play or scene.
Who attend munches?
EVERYONE
If you are a Kinkster, a swinger, in a poly relationship or even a new single. Munches are for almost everyone. It is where people go to meet other kinksters, see old friends and to establish themselves in the community. This is also a chance for you to get to know people in your community. You can talk to people and find out who you would like to get to know better, for friendship, play or romantic encounters.
You can figure out if this part of the community is right for you.
Keep in mind that different munches draw different people – if you aren’t crazy about the first one you attend, try another until you find the right fit. Remembering to take only what works for you and to leave what does not
There are no toys, nudity, fetish wear, or play
Munches are just an opportunity to meet like-minded people in a no-pressure setting.
Why is it called a Munch?
The name comes from a group of Californian kinky folk, who started organizing regular hangouts in burger joints (where they would “munch” on burgers and fries) back in the early 1990s. They proved popular, and the idea spread. Now pretty much any lifestyle gathering that isn’t directly geared towards play is called a munch. Here ends the history lesson.
Other terms for a munch
Meet and Greet this is a munch normally for but not limited to Swingers
Mix and Mingle This is a munch that is normally but not limited to Singles
Slosh/Wet/Liquid munches where only liquid refreshment is available
"Dry" Munch it is normally without alcohol or they do not want you to drink.
TNG The New Generation ages 18-35
TOG The Old Guard 30+
Crunches this is a munch where after the munch everyone goes to a club afterwards
What ever munch you choose there is a lot of socializing, friendly conversation, and eating (munches are almost always held where there is tasty food!).
How do I find a munch to attend?
Things are organized in different ways in different parts of the world, but for the most part FetLife is the place to be. Join, fill out your profile to whatever degree you’re comfortable with, set your location and hit “Events”. You’ll find a list of everything that’s going on in your area.
What should I wear?
Dress the way you would normally dress on a Tuesday evening (or whatever day its held on). The general rule is NO fetish wear. Discrete collars are fine, but obvious kink gear is discouraged (or outright banned).
Wear Normal clothes. Try and look vaguely smart if you want to create a good impression. Because munches usually take place in public places fetishwear is rarely mandatory. Indeed it’s quite often frowned upon.
Why is this?
Believe it or not, kinky stuff still freaks out some ordinary people. And since most munches take place in venues that are shared with ordinary people, strutting around in a full latex catsuit might raise a few eyebrows. Raise too many eyebrows amongst the bar’s vanilla patrons, and you may find that the group isn’t welcome back there next month.
Who will I talk to?
Munches are pretty friendly places, and generally speaking it’s okay to talk to anyone present. You’re all there because of a common interest, after all. Observe the normal rules of politeness (don’t butt into conversations, no violent screaming, try not to spit when you talk), and you’ll find that it’s pretty easy to join any conversation that’s happening nearby.
Bad at joining conversations? No problem. I’ve got you.
Here are some simple magic words that should work 99% of the time when introducing yourself to a new little cluster of humans at a munch. Memorize and use as you will:
“Hello. I’m new here.”
If the conversation doesn’t take flight from there, other safe opening topics include:
- “How did you find out about this munch?”
- “Have you been to other munches or events?”
- “Do you live locally or are you visiting the area? What’s the scene like where you’re from?”
- “How do you like this pub/bar/boudoir/underground speakeasy?”
Well, yes and no. Most people you meet at a munch will be pretty open and willing to chat about kink stuff… but won’t want to start the conversation there. Talk about normal stuff, like you would with any random person in a pub or bar, then strike out into the territory of fetish and filth when you naturally arrive at its border.
I’m still kinda nervous
If you’re at all worried about not having anyone to speak to (or if you’re just generally nervous about attending a munch) get in touch with the organizer via FetLife beforehand (I am "MyOwnDuality" on Fetlife). Quite often they’ll be happy to meet you at the start of the event and set you up with some friendly conversation buddies. Isn’t that lovely?
How do I behave at a munch?
Like a normal human being, mostly.
The specific rules of the munch should be made clear on the event listing. So start there if you want to know how to behave. If there are any special rules, the event description will tell you about them, but most of the time you should conduct yourself as though you’re hanging out with some people you don’t know that well in a pub. Because that’s what you are actually doing.
NO PHOTOS
A few general exceptions to live by are that you shouldn’t take photos, and should try to avoid looking like you’re taking pictures on your phone. It gets everyone’s back up. People in the kink scene are (reasonably) sensitive about privacy, see?
What do I wear?
Unless the description says otherwise, don’t be too overt. Most of the time you can get away with a casual-looking collar or a vaguely kinky accessory… but most munches are organized in public places, and the venue might not necessarily know that it’s a lifestyle event. If you dress inappropriately, or loudly discuss kink stuff in earshot of vanilla patrons, the venue (and thus the organisers) will both have something to say about it.
Ask Before Touching
Also at a munch: be careful about touch. This is something which people in the kink scene expect an unusual degree of sensitivity about. Ask before touching anything that belongs to someone else. Only touch other people if invited to do so. Handshakes are usually fine, but you may want to ask before hugging someone you don’t know.
Even if I know them?
I still ask "May I give you a hug" Bit excessive? Yes – but it’s a sound policy to definitely avoid causing offence down the line.
Common issues with munching
I’m worried about fitting in
Munches are, overall, way more friendly and accepting that most people expect. You don’t need to dress a certain way, look a certain way, speak a certain way, or know a certain amount about kink in order to be there.
If someone at a munch implies that you don’t belong, or makes you feel bad about the way you look or dress, ditch that conversation and find some better humans to talk to. Most people you meet on the scene will be friendly and lovely, but there are always exceptions to this rule.
I had a bad time, Why?
If you can work out what it was about the munch (not enough seating, too many people, too loud, too quiet, too many perverts, too many vanillas, etc) that didn’t float your boat, then you are in a great position to start your own munch that dodges those shortcomings.
If you’ve been turned off by a particular issue, you can bet other people have been too – so why not start something for them, and enrich your local kink scene in the process? Get in touch with me if you want some specific advice about starting a munch or other event.
I don’t like munches
It’s fine to be anti-social. Seriously. I enjoy connecting with people one-on-one way more than I do in group settings. Sometimes I can’t stand the thought of going to a crowded pub and spending a lot of energy talking to people. If you’re in the same boat, you don’t have to go to munches.
Munches are just one small part of the kink scene. Don’t listen to people who tell you munches are the only way to make friends or vet potential play partners. They are 100% not. Meeting people one-on-one, going to parties, exploring with close friends, or dating online are all just as legitimate ways of engaging with the scene.
I had an awkward encounter
You can expect to meet a few eccentric characters at your local munch, but if someone does something really weird or makes you feel very uncomfortable, it’s vital that you tell someone. Speak to one of the organizers. Tell one of the cool people you met earlier in the night. Tell a stranger.
By speaking up if someone makes you uncomfortable, you can help make the munch a better place to be in the future, for you and for everyone involved. After all, it’s a community that you’re a part of now. It is, in a sense, yours.
Vetting
If you want to go to some of the private parties that are held in your city, you will want to start out at a munch where people can get to know you. This process is often referred to as ‘vetting’. The people who host parties want to see that you can behave appropriately in a social setting, and get to know you a bit before inviting you to their private homes or dungeons.
But you can also use Munches as your vetting tool.
Finding and vetting a potential play partner (PPP) can be a daunting task. If you are new to the world of alternative lifestyle, you might be eager to experience new things, meet new people, and explore all that the community has to offer. While this can be an exciting time, it can also leave you vulnerable to real predators and/or bad experiences, particularly when the expectations, goals and limits of everyone involved are not clearly communicated.
It’s important to remember that a munch is a public gathering in a vanilla setting.
Many people don’t have the luxury to be out about their sexuality. Many people just don’t see the need to advertise this side of them. Everyone has to respect everyone else, so discretion is encouraged.
What do I do there?
A munch is a great place to meet people in the community. You quickly get a sense of who’s who. Many munches have ambassadors, people to greet new folk and introduce them around a bit. Talk to people, listen a lot. If you approach the munch in an open and friendly manner, you will walk away with at least a few new friends.
Chances are you will learn about some of the play parties around your city. Often you can’t get an invite to those parties unless you go to a munch and meet people first (they want to make sure you can act like an adult, have reasonable social skills, etc before inviting you into their home or private play space).
A munch is also a common place to meet people you’ve chatted with online. It’s an easy first meet spot. If the person you’ve been talking to doesn’t show up, you’re out with friends, so you’re not stuck sitting at a coffee shop all alone. If they do show up, you can see who they know in the community, and how they interact in a social setting. Since there isn’t any play allowed at a munch, you can focus on getting to know each other without the pressure.
A munch is a great opportunity for people of all economic backgrounds to get out and socialise. If you can afford it, you can buy meals, drinks, etc. If money is a little tight, you can stick to a cup of coffee or a soda as an inexpensive alternative.